May 17 - Reflection and Contemplation: Bitter Sweet

There really wasn't much time to do anything this final morning in Ireland. I had come to the realization that I had purchased enough souvenirs to warrant purchasing an additional suitcase... Bitter sweet is probably a fairly accurate representation of how I was feeling at that point. A student and myself were the last two individuals to leave Ireland so we opted to buddy up that morning and make our way to the airport. I began to wonder how dissimilar of an experience I was having from the rest of the group since I was merely on my way to my next destination while everyone else was finished and headed for home. I didn't feel sad by any means. I was glad to have had the opportunity and courage to embark on this adventure knowing I still had much to come. I was even worried and anxious at times thinking about the obstacles I would be taking on by myself before I would be meeting up with anyone else.

I started to reflect back to the Romania pre-trip meetings and there was one in particular that was given by a professor for both trips. It was the same ideas I chose to write about the day I was leaving the States: Janus-faced situations. I started to utilize these same tactics to tackle the nervousness trying to shift the paradigm toward excitement. It began to work as I thought about all the opportunities I'd be having in Amsterdam. It was only a few days until I'd be back with a group of students and professors with the comfort that would provide. I'd been doing just fine taking care of myself while doing my best to keep an eye out for others on the trip. I never felt as if it was a burden I was responsible for, looking out for others, it's just my nature. That being said, telling myself in an alternative way saying, I've been fully capable of taking care of myself and others for almost two weeks now! Now all I ever have to worry about is myself! It provided me with a good amount of self-confidence that I would be just fine, the only part I was still worried about was getting from the airport to my hotel. Now having an additional suitcase of strictly meaningful investments in my possession on top of my primary suitcase that had everything I needed to live comfortably and my backpack. I was trying to determine how real of a threat pickpockets might be to me.

The Serenity Prayer came to mind... "God, grant me, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I moved all of my suitcase locks to my backpack, told myself I was not in control of my suitcases between checking them in Dublin and retrieving them from the luggage carousel in Amsterdam, and the worst thing I could do is let my fear push me around. None of the obstacles between landing in Amsterdam and arriving at my hotel were obstacles I had not already hurdled with ease since departing Cedar City! I had an entire network of supportive individuals ready, willing, and (arguably) worried about me back home! I have a few individuals that I have met at SUU that were international students excited to hear about my trips to Europe, hoping to be able to help! I know some individuals living in Europe, one of which was considering meeting me in Amsterdam if he could make room in his work schedule! Access to this entire network was literally in my pocket.

I started to make a priority list in my head upon landing:

1) Collect Luggage,

2) Secure Lines of Communication,

3) Collect Information,

4) Establish a Plan, and,

5) Execute.

I kept telling myself, "Don't be afraid to ask for help." And off I went... To Amsterdam!